The Story of Rachel by K.D. McLean

Rachel Collins is praying. And not for world peace. Thirty six years old and single, her prayer is self-centered. “Kill me now, Lord,” she pleads during her latest attempt to meet Mr. Right via the internet.

She’s not hoping for a billionaire or even a millionaire, just a guy who can strike a spark to her tinder! Is she asking too much? She’s a great gal! Just ask her parents! She might be a bit naïve about some things, but capable enough – she’s a correspondent for a major magazine, after all. So there!

On assignment she meets Michael, 42 years old, also a writer. The attraction is immediate and intense. Rachel, who sees vanilla only as a baking ingredient, enchants him. Michael can whip up some pretty hot delights himself, outside of the kitchen. He introduces a curious Rachel to powerful experiences of sensuality. Her Ladylike sense of propriety engages in a running battle with her now sparked Tinderbox desires.

Michael is an excellent cook and knows how to turn up the heat. Sampling the flavors offered, Rachel experiences humorous hiccups. On a date, Michael ramps up the risqué, resulting in a memorable skirt swirling salsa dance. Rachel’s “What the hell, I ain’t getting any younger” attitude spurs Michael to take her to the exclusive, adults only club, Pandora’s. Here, Rachel witnesses even more variations of earthly delights, and begins a lifelong friendship with another guest.

Michael is a realist, convinced that within 90 days, his affair with Rachel will be but another painful memory of loss. He is neither willing nor able to yell ‘Geronimo’ and fall for her. He can’t, and that’s that.

Maybe he should just get a damn dog.

**I was gifted a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review**

I’m kind of surprised that more people haven’t written books that involve the pitfalls and amusement of online dating. (Hell, maybe they have and I just don’t know about them). While I personally have never gotten involved in a dating site, my best friend has – and I seriously can’t thank her enough for the hilariousness that she has brought into my life with this online dating. She sends me some of the messages and pictures she gets, and it just kills me. (I won’t name which site, but it’s free so…I think that should tell you enough). Why am I talking about this? Well, because Rachel’s online dating experience seems to be just about level with my best friend’s – brutal, disappointing, yet pretty damn entertaining.

The Story of Rachel is a mix of BDSM, romance, and a dash of humor. Rachel and Michael’s relationship isn’t all rainbows and unicorns and dancing vaginas – it seems to fall the way most BDSM relationships do; man and woman meet, he introduces her to the world of D/s, the woman wants a relationship but the man has some sort of emotional holdback, the woman gives an ultimatum and/or leaves, then after a week-ish the man finally realizes this chick is the bee’s knees and gets over his shit. Not that I don’t enjoy that type of plot line, but it just seems to be getting slightly repetitive. I will say this though, I liked Rachel’s character a hell of a lot more than the shy, 20-something, virgin that numerous authors have used as their main female character in BDSM novels.

Rachel’s sense of humor was refreshing and pretty funny, and I think maybe I enjoyed her and Michael’s relationship because it didn’t ever feel immature. She wasn’t whiny or needy – this is a chick that knows what she wants and knows what she deserves; she’s a strong woman who has her shit together and I dig that. I can’t say that Michael is going in my book boyfriend category (I mean, I am in my mid 20’s and he’s almost old enough to be my dad) but that doesn’t mean I didn’t like him and Rachel together. The only real complaint I have involves Rachel’s inner monologue; her Ladylike and her Tinderbox. This reminded me so much of Ana’s “inner goddess” in Fifty Shades, which bugged the crap out of me. This is what I picture when authors use little characters to play out their thoughts: 

Ahh, Lizzie McGuire takes me back....ANY WHO....

I gave The Story of Rachel 3 stars because while most of the humor was funny, some of it felt contrived or forced. And while I did like Rachel and Michael as a couple, I had a bit of a hard time connecting with his character – maybe it was his age, I don’t know. All in all, I did enjoy The Story of Rachel, and if you’re looking for a book mixed with romance, humor, and a twinge of BDSM, I think you’ll like it too! 

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Laced in Malice by Riley Gray

(Laced series, book 1)

Behind the creepy castle like exterior of Birchtree Academy is the sound of gossip, backstabbing, and malice. When Zara’s dad takes on the new principal job at the elite boarding school, Zara knows she’ll be an outsider. She dreams of true love and marriage instead of possible frenemies and secrets. Definitely not Birtchtree material.

In the cusp of everything are the twins. Oliver and Elizabeth (Lizzie) Nixon are renowned for their different – yet equally effective – methods of torture. And both have their eyes set on goody, goody Zara. Oliver wants to date her and Lizzie wants to befriend her.

At first, Zara is caught in the Nixons spell, but it’s not long until cracks begin to show through their dazzling façade. An anonymous email account, which targets students with their own secrets, has focused its energy on Zara using weapons only the Nixons could have provided. But have they turned on her? Is there a hidden agenda behind Lizzie’s interest in Zara? It’ll take four months, three warnings, two released sex tapes, and one dead body for Zara to finally learn the truth. And the truth can either destroy the boy she’s fallen for – and his twin sister – or save them both.

*This review does contain spoilers; although, they aren’t really spoilers if you’ve seen Cruel Intentions. Regardless, check yourself before you wreck yourself.*

It’s kind of hard for me to review this book – I love the story line, I really do, but it’s too familiar. Cruel Intentions has been one of my favorite movies since the day I first saw it, and I knew after reading the synopsis for Laced in Malice that it would be a similar plot; I just didn’t realize how alike it would be. Sure, there are a few tweaks but overall, it just seemed to me that this book was Cruel Intentions in book format.  

Here’s a brief rundown for you: Zara’s father accepts the position of principal at a prestigious boarding school, which she is will now be attending. Before she arrived on campus, she gave an interview to the school magazine that explained her stance on abstaining from sex until marriage, and she prided herself on the fact that she was still a virgin. Enter the Nixon twins: Lizzie and Oliver. Lizzie seems picture perfect on the outside, and immediately befriends Zara, while her twin brother, Oliver, continually tries to charm the pants of Zara – literally. It soon becomes clear the twins have ulterior motives for their actions with Zara, and everyone can see that…except her.

Now yes, there are a few differences between Laced in Malice and Cruel Intentions, but not many. When I started this book, I was hoping for a similar idea with a different direction, but (and this is just my opinion) what I got was a knockoff of a movie. I just wish the author had put more original concepts in this story, and then maybe I would have been able to enjoy it a little more. I just don’t like reading a book feeling like I’ve already seen the movie, when in fact; it’s a book that’s not even supposed to tie to a movie.

Here are a few examples of the similarities to support my opinion:

(The character names in Laced in Malice are Zara, Oliver, and Lizzie; in Cruel Intentions, they are Annette, Sebastian, and Kathryn)

1. The characters are essentially the same: Zara and Annette are both virgins who did an interview with a magazine pledging their vow of abstinence, and the importance of love and marriage before sex. Oliver and Sebastian are both womanizing, man whores that sleep with pretty much anyone, and then try to convince the virgin on campus that sex isn’t that big of a deal. Lizzie and Kathryn are both essentially the ringleaders; they have ridiculous control over their brothers, pretend to have a tremendous amount of faith in God, and on the outside they look like the model student.

2. Journals: Sebastian keeps a journal, Oliver keeps journals. Sebastian ends up giving his journal to Annette to read, hoping it will explain why he did what he did. Oliver ends up giving his journals to Zara to read, hoping it will explain why he did what he did. The notes that accompany the journals are awfully similar as well, but I don’t really feel like typing out both of them. Just know…they’re similar.

3. The hypocrite speech: Sebastian and Oliver both give a nice little speech where they call Annette and Zara hypocrites. They’re not identical, but pretty freaking close. Check out the comparison:

Sebastian to Annette: “You spend all your time preaching about waiting for love. Well here it is. Right in front you, and you’re going to turn your back on it. So I guess we’re just fucked. I’ll move on. But you’re going to have to live the rest of your life knowing that you’ve turned your back on love. And that makes you a hypocrite. Have a nice life.”

Oliver to Zara: “You’re a hypocrite, you know. You go on and on about waiting to find someone and love and intimacy and then when you finally find what you say you’ve been looking for, you run the other way. You did this to me, Zara. You made me fall for you and now I’m not good enough? You know what, screw you.”

4. The escalator scene: Anyone who has seen Cruel Intentions knows exactly what scene I’m talking about. It’s quite possibly the best…and most memorable…scene of the entire movie. It gives me chills every time. I love it. And that scene is duplicated almost exactly in Laced in Malice, even the dialogue is the same!

Cruel Intentions: Annette says, “I’m impressed,” to which Sebastian replies, “Well, I’m in love.”

Laced in Malice: Zara says, “Well, I’m impressed at least,” to which Oliver replies, “Well, I’m in love. With you.”

That scene was what irked me more than anything. How are you going to copy the dialogue and just add a few extra words?! Gaaaah, it drove me nuts! It was after that when I started to get really annoyed with the unoriginality; luckily I only had about 4% of the book left.

Ultimately, I gave it three stars because the book itself was very well written and Riley Gray obviously has talent as an author. I wish I could rate it higher, I really do, but the fact that it seems to just be a knockoff of Cruel Intentions bummed me out. You can’t top that movie, or even match it content wise, in my opinion. It appears Riley may be veering from the movie plot in the next book of the series, which would be pleasing; regardless, I’ll still read the sequel and hopefully I can produce a more positive review the second time around.   

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Last Night At The Stairways by Jon Lymon

Ever woken up with Beer Fear, the dread that fills you when you try and remember what you drunkenly got up to the night before?

Thank your lucky stars you’re not Lloyd Parker.

As his memory slowly comes back, he becomes convinced that he killed someone in a nightclub. But he’s about to discover that what he actually got up to on his Last Night At The Stairways was far, far more horrific.

*I was given a PDF version of this book for review on The Indie Bookshelf. I have tweaked this review a little bit from the original*

First of all, any book that has beer fear in the title automatically catches my attention. I mean, let’s face it…we’ve all contracted a case of Beer Fear. You have a little too much fun, drink a little too much, and wake up the next morning thinking, “how the hell did I get home?” or “did I really climb up on the bar and start dancing last night?” or even worse “I did what with who in the back of whose car?!” It’s never a proud moment and I’m not going to lie, my dignity took a severe hit on the few mornings I would wake up after a long night of drinking and immediately check to make sure I was still wearing my underwear. Luckily, I’m a little bit of a grown-up now and that doesn’t happen anymore…rarely ever…whatever, you get the point; beer fear is real and it sucks. Now…onto the actual review…

This book was not what I expected at all; in a good way. I expected a potential thriller about a guy who spent the whole book trying to cover his tracks and right his wrongs after a night of getting blackout drunk. Well, I was kind of right…but then again, not really. But kind of. Oy. Last Night At The Stairways was different than the books I normally gravitate to; it’s eerie, suspenseful, macabre, trippy, and you know what else? British. Yep, this nice little story takes place across the pond; I don’t think it’s any secret that I spend way too much time wishing I had a British accent and using words like “bollocks” and calling my guy friends my “mates.” In my mind, I read this entire book in a British accent and it just made my heart happy.

Although it did start off a little slow and seemed a little bogged down with descriptions, it picked up around the 25% mark and only escalated from there. The storyline was unique and anxiously kept me wondering just what did Lloyd do? Why was his best friend, Will, acting so strange? What in the every loving crap happened to his girlfriend?

There is a healthy amount of foreshadowing; however, I have to say I was shocked when I realized what was really going on with not just Lloyd, but everyone around him. I honestly felt for Lloyd; he seemed genuinely concerned and worried about his actions, but no matter what he said or did, he wasn’t getting any answers from anyone. Instead, he was trapped inside this nightclub and forced to endure some pretty grisly stuff. While he was clearly the antagonist of the story, he wasn’t really unlikable and I was rooting for him to make things right.  

Overall, it was an intriguing read. I would recommend Last Night At The Stairways to anyone who enjoys a chilling thriller with a mind-warping twist. With a little gore, a little more creepiness, and a lot of “something else” (I can’t give away everything, silly) I think it was pretty perfect to read this book right before Halloween, because bloody hell…it was a ghoulishly good read. Yep, I used the phrase bloody hell; I told you I wanted a British accent ;)

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The Devil's Metal by Karina Halle

(Devils series, book 1)

It’s the summer of 1974 and 21-year old Dawn Emerson has only three things she wants to do: compete one last time in the Ellensburg Rodeo, win back her ex-boyfriend Ryan, and become the best damn music journalist at Central Washington University. But all her plans are left in the dust when she’s contacted by Creem magazine to go on the road with one of her favorite groups, the up-and-coming metal band, Hybrid. 

At first the assignment reads like a dream come true. Not only will Dawn land some much-needed credibility as a female music journalist, but she’ll finally get to experience life from the other side of the stage, and maybe crack the drunken, enigmatic code that is guitarist Sage Knightly. Instead, Dawn finds herself on an aging tour bus filled with ego-maniacs, band politics and a whole lot of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. When monsters start showing up in dressing rooms and some of Sage’s groupies become increasingly strange and dangerous, Dawn discovers the band is not only going places – they’re going straight to Hell.

And Dawn has a backstage pass.

*I was given an ARC of this book for review on The Indie Bookshelf. I have tweaked this review a little bit from the original…*

Sex, drugs, and rock & roll; that’s what this book is about. Oh, did I forget to mention demons? Yeah, throw some demons in there, too. Intrigued? Yeah, that’s right, you should be. The Devil’s Metal is an absolute trip that will leave you feeling like you were right there on the tour bus with Dawn, Jacob, and Hybrid experiencing all the highs (literally) and lows with them. Karina Halle perfectly captures the 1970’s lifestyle and uses extensive, but not overbearing details to paint a picture of life during the bellbottom-wearing, Quaalude-popping, rock and roll era. I’m a late 80’s baby, so I never experienced the rock & roll, hippie, Woodstock craziness of the 70’s, but this book made me feel like I was going through the motions right along with Dawn; from living on a sweaty, dirty tour bus to watching the shows backstage to being surrounded by a cloud of pot smoke in the middle of the concert crowd. Karina knows how to paint a picture, no doubt. She also gets a couple extra points in my book for the several Led Zeppelin references (they are one of my favorite bands), and a reference to Lawrence, KS (home of the KU Jayhawks!!) Yeah, I’m a nerd and get excited about things like that; don’t judge me.

There is an omnipresent hair-raising factor that casts a shadow over the entire book that will make you always feel like something just isn’t right; there is just always something or someone that is a little off. There is quite a bit of foreshadowing that leads you to believe maybe the band knows exactly what’s going on and they just aren’t telling Dawn, like this line for instance: “We all lost our souls when we joined this band…” Hmm…do they mean that figuratively or literally?? However, even with all the hints and foreshadowing, the cause behind everything happening isn’t super obvious; Karina picks the perfect moment to pull you out of the dark and bring to light the reasoning behind all these strange happenings…and strange is putting it mildly. I mean, it is just a big bucket of crazy topped with a nice, heaping pile of WTF?!

Karina does a wonderful job of giving each character their own, very distinct personality traits. It’s obvious she spent a great deal of time developing each character into their own, which makes it so easy to love these characters. Well… some of them. The relationship that forms between Dawn and Sage is slow moving, ridiculously teasing, and eventually crazy hot; the friendship between Dawn and her best friend, Mel, is heartwarming, hilarious, and in one particular scene, gut wrenching. One of my favorite lines of the whole book actually comes from Mel when she’s referring to Dawn’s ex-boyfriend: “He’s good for sloppy kisses and cherry popping and looking slammin’ at our prom.” That line makes me laugh every time! Dawn’s relationships with her Tourette’s-ridden brother Eric, Jacob, and the other members of Hybrid add to her likability as well.

The end seriously gave me chills, and I'm pretty anxious to read the sequel. I don't believe this is classified as YA, and most of the material really isn't appropriate for young adults; there is sex, drug use, profanity, and some pretty scary stuff, y'all. The only paranormal books I had read previously involved vampires, werewolves, things like that; I can't remember reading a book that involved demons and all that other freaky jazz that showed up in Lake Shasta, but I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoyed that different aspect of paranormal craziness. I'm not big on horror because I'm a big baby, but this book had my interest from almost the very beginning. If you want to read a dark, paranormal, creep-tastic novel with a little romance and a lot of rock & roll on the side, check out The Devil's Metal; it'll take you on one Hell of a ride...

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Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn

WICKED on her hipbone, GIRL across her heart

Words are like a road map to reporter Camille Preaker’s troubled past. Fresh from a brief stay at a psych hospital, Camille’s first assignment from the second-rate daily paper where she works brings her reluctantly back to her hometown to cover the murders of two preteen girls.

NASTY on her kneecap, BABYDOLL on her leg

Since she left town eight years ago, Camille has hardly spoken to her neurotic, hypochondriac mother or to the half-sister she barely knows: a beautiful thirteen-year-old with an eerie grip on the town. Now, installed again in her family’s Victorian mansion, Camille is haunted by the childhood tragedy she has spent her whole life trying to cut from her memory.

HARMFUL on her wrist, WHORE on her ankle

As Camille works to uncover the truth about these violent crimes, she finds herself identifying with the young victims – a bit too strongly. Clues keep leading to dead ends, forcing Camille to unravel the psychological puzzle of her own past to get at the story. Dogged by her own demons, Camille will have to confront what happened to her years before if she wants to survive this homecoming.

There were several other books I had planned on reading before this one, but after I finished Gone Girl I was on such a Gillian Flynn high that I had to read another one of her books immediately. I was super excited to read this book, because 1) It’s written by Gillian Flynn, and 2) anyone who knows me knows that I love fucked up characters; however, this book tested my boundaries for how much f*cked-up-ness (yeah, I made that up) I can handle in just 230 pages. Sharp Objects just might be a little more than I can handle.

After two young girls are brutally murdered, Chicago reporter Camille is send back home to Wind Gap, Missouri to cover the story. The only problem is that Camille doesn’t want to go back home; she doesn’t want to stay with her overbearing and yet incredibly hateful mother, her stepfather who has barely spoken a handful of sentences to her, and her thirteen-year-old half-sister who she  quickly finds out has an incredibly dark, sinister side to her. Unfortunately, Camille understands having a dark side; she has been carving words into her skin since she was a teenager and has developed an alcohol addiction. While being forced to deal with her painful childhood memories, she is interviewing anyone she can to get some answers about these serial killings; unfortunately she may have to dig deeper into her past in Wind Gap if she wants to find some real answers.

I hate to say this, but I contemplated not finishing this book. It wasn’t even because of the content (although we’ll get to that later); it was because the first half of the book read like molasses. I felt like I was just trudging through it and the story wasn’t progressing one bit. It was a little brutal.

It’s pretty obvious just from the synopsis that Camille has serious issues; she does. I like broken characters, the ones that aren’t perfect. Camille, however, was a little too broken even for me. I still found myself empathizing with her, but not wholeheartedly. The details of how she carved words into her body made my skin crawl, the true story behind her losing her virginity made me cringe, and I had to remind myself multiple times throughout the book that Camille is in her 30’s. It didn’t seem that way at all. The way she was written made it seem like she was maybe 25-26…but no way was she in her 30’s; which just makes some of things she does even more disturbing: having sex with an barely legal 18-year-old boy, doing drugs with her thirteen-year-old half-sister…I mean, really?! Come on girl, get it together.

Her mother is a whole other bag of fucked up that I really can’t even go into, because I despised her so much. Her relationship with Camille was by far the most disturbing mother/daughter relationship I have ever read about and the times where they were interacting seemed to be the times where I really empathized with Camille. Amma, her half-sister, has something off about her too. She’s the perfect, pretty, most popular girl in Wind Gap, but she also has a really mean side to her. I mean, she takes the whole “Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls” act to a whole other level; a disgusting level.

Ultimately, the book turned out alright and I did like it, I just didn’t love it. The second half picked up so it read pretty fast and I got thrown a few times on who I thought was the serial killer. I think the fact that it seemed like every character in this book was fucked up in one way or another was just a little much for me; I’m good with one or two characters having serious issues, but any more than that it feels almost depressing. The saving grace of this book was the sheer suspense of “who-done-it,” which is why I ended up giving it 3 stars. If you want a dark, shocking novel that is incredibly disturbing at times, check out Sharp Objects; but if your skin is crawling half way through, don’t say I didn’t warn you…

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You're Not Doing It Right by Michael Ian Black

Darkly humorous and told with raw honesty, You’re Not Doing It Right is Michael’s debut memoir. In it, he takes on his childhood, his marriage, his children, and his career with unexpected candor and deadpan wit, as he shares the neuroses that have plagued him since he was a kid and how they shaped him into the man he is today.

“Martha wants to be married in a Catholic church. I do not. I would prefer to be married in a more secular setting, one that has personal meaning for me: a riverboat casino perhaps, or a Taco Bell.” - Michael

Michael Ian Black is a bit of an asshole, and yet…I find him hilarious. Granted, I have a kind of asshole-y sense of humor sometimes, but I think it’s the honesty in his humor that just kills me. I saw a few reviews that said something along the lines of, “if you’re a woman you won’t like this book.” Um…I absolutely disagree. If you are a woman with a sense of humor, you’ll dig this book. If you don’t have a sense a humor, well, I feel sorry for you…and what would you be doing picking up a comedian’s book anyway?

This is a memoir that includes stories about his childhood, dating life (or lack thereof), marriage, children, and everything that makes those things great; and makes those things really suck. He talks about the joy of getting an Easy Bake oven for Christmas (because he was convinced his lesbian mom was trying to turn him gay), his obsession with Kevin Federline’s weight gain, convincing himself he has a brain tumor…and that’s just to name a few. There were several instances throughout this book that I found myself obnoxiously laughing out loud, and I think my favorite story was about his struggle to deal with his sister’s sleep apnea. While I was reading it I kept thinking, “I probably shouldn’t be laughing…this shouldn’t be funny…sleep apnea can be scary…” and yet I found myself laughing anyway. Because it wasn’t funny; it was hilarious. Here’s a little snip-it from that part of the book; it’s Christmas Eve and he’s in the shared bedroom with his sister:

“Every nerve in my body focuses on my sister. Breathe! She’s still not breathing. Should I get Mom? I should get Mom. But what if I wake up the whole house and it turns out Susan is fine? Then everybody will be awake and then the Santa Rules will almost certainly apply. I don’t think I can risk not getting presents just to save my sister’s life. On the other hand, Santa definitely won’t come if I let my sister die. Definitely not this year and possibly never again. She’s not breathing. She’s dead. I know she’s dead.”

There really isn’t a whole lot else I can say about this other than if you like reading memoirs, you should definitely put this one at the top of your list. Well, I would recommend putting it at the top of your list if you like memoirs and a dark sense of humor. I promise you won’t regret it, and if you do…well…that just f*cking sucks, I guess.

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He Loves Me...He Loves You Not by Lauren Hammond

Riley loves Henry. Henry loves Riley, but he’s dating Callie.

Riley Davis is mixed up in an emotional love triangle that she wants out of. But she can’t help the way she feels about Henry Garner. She’s obsessed. And she’s convinced that her on the sly relationship with Henry is going to end badly.

And Henry has a secret. A secret that could make or break one relationship. But which one will it be? His relationship with Callie? Or his romantic entanglement with Riley?

“I’d told myself that some part of him was better than no part of him. But some part of him is beginning to break me. I want more. I need more. Because like Callie, I’m in love with him, too.” – Riley

I love the stories that have happily ever afters, but if you were to ask me to choose between that and a story about an angst-driven romance, I would probably choose the latter. I don’t know why I like books about messy, imperfect, gut wrenching relationships so much. Maybe on some levels I feel like I relate to them? Maybe it’s because there’s the chance that the ending won’t be predictable? I don’t know. Relationships are just fucking messy sometimes, and I guess there’s a masochistic part of me that likes reading about those imperfect romances; which is why I was pretty dang excited to read He Loves Me…He Loves You Not.

The storyline is pretty self-explanatory: “Riley loves Henry. Henry loves Riley, but he’s dating Callie.” So, just how long can Henry string Riley along before she finally gets tired of being his dirty little secret?

To be completely honest, I had no problem with Riley. I don’t think cheating is right on any level, but it’s not like she was messing around with Henry just to have something fun to do; she legitimately loved him, and after all the lines he fed her about loving her, I can imagine it would be hard to turn him down or just flat out walk away from the situation. I felt for her so many times throughout this novella, because it seemed like no matter what she did or said, Henry was never willing to fully commit to her. He would give her hope and then take it right back. This brings me to my next point…

Henry. It is safe to say I am not a Henry fan. He is in love with Riley, but refuses to break up with Callie. Um…what? The reason he “can’t” leave Callie is made clear towards the end of the book, but I just don’t see that as a valid excuse…at all. He was just downright selfish. I don’t understand how he could continually hurt Riley over and over again if he loved her so much. And granted, Callie is a bitch but no girl deserves to be lied to and cheated on. To me, Henry was the embodiment of a self-centered jerk.

Despite my dislike for Henry, I did still enjoy this book. If a character evokes any kind of emotion from me, whether it is positive or negative, I think that’s a characteristic of a good author. The storyline had me in its grip from the very beginning, and didn’t let go. It’s a short read and I believe it’s only $0.99 from Barnes and Noble (as a nook book) so if you like angst-driven romances, I’d definitely encourage you to give He Loves Me…He Loves You Not a whirl.

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Heartless by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 7)

Four gorgeous girls are telling very ugly stories. First Emily, Aria, Hanna, and Spencer claimed they found a dead body in the woods behind Spencer’s house, only to have it vanish without a trace. Then, when the same woods went up in flames, they swore they saw someone who’s supposed to be dead rise from the ashes. And even after all that, the pretty little liars are still playing with fire. Call me heartless, but it’s about time someone shut these liars up for good. After all, nobody likes a girl who cries wolf – least of all me…

I was torn between how many stars I should give this installment in the Pretty Little Liars series, but ultimately I just couldn't pull the trigger on the 4 star rating. Why? A couple of the girls' storylines just plain bored me. And man oh man, I had such high hopes for this book!! Keep in mind, I was still reeling from the cliffhanger in Killer and was hoping that there would be some explanation of it in Heartless. Well…there wasn’t so that was disappointing. I get that it’s adding to the mystery and everything but really?!? You’re going to drop a bomb like that and then not have it resolved in the next book?? I get impatient when I don’t get some answers about a cliffhanger within the first chapter of the next book. Here’s the cliffhanger from Killer, which is where Heartless picks up…

The girls barely escape the woods behind Spencer’s house after they were set on fire, and while they are trying to find their bearings, they realize there aren’t just four girls there; there are five. Aria rescued a girl from the burning woods without ever seeing her face and when the girls finally get a good look at her, they are certain of one thing…the girl standing in front of them is Alison. Yeah, that’s right; their BFF Alison who was supposedly killed four years ago. Crazy shit. (Well, don’t get too excited because you won’t find out what’s really going on with that whole storyline until the next book, Wanted.) Now, the girls already earned a reputation for lying when they said they found Ian Thomas’s body in the woods and then the body magically disappeared so when Emily tells police they just saw Alison…well…let’s just say it doesn’t go over well. 

So what else do the girls get into? Well, “-A” sends Emily to an Amish community in Lancaster, which seemed pretty dumb to me. I really didn’t see any point to this story until the day that she was leaving and finds out some juicy background gossip on one of the guys currently living in Rosewood. I was actually anxious to see where that plotline went, but it pretty much just fizzled a little and then died. 

Hanna’s dad sends her to The Preserve, a mental health facility, with the hopes that it will help her get her shit together and make her stop lying, I guess? It seems a bit extreme, but whatever. This place seems like the most plush mental health facility on the planet. The amount of times Hanna talks about getting a facial or a mani/pedi, you would think she’s on vacation at a fucking spa. Oh, and her roommate Iris adds a nice little twist to the story. I’m hoping we haven’t seen the last of her! 

Aria really isn’t doing anything. Besides her new romance with Noel Kahn, the only significant thing she did in this book was call a medium to the spot where Ali was buried in an attempt to talk to her ghost. For real, that’s it. 

Spencer’s chapters were absolutely the best. Her parents finally come clean about whether or not she’s adopted but that’s not even the best part. She finds out shocking information about her dad, which leads her to a new revelation: she has a closer relationship with one of her friends than she thought. That’s all I can say without giving too much away. Spence’s chapters always seem to have the most depth, and are the most realistic storylines in my opinion. 

Beyond that, we find out who the new “-A” is, get a new suspect for Alison’s murder, and another young girl turns up dead. I wasn’t happy with who the new “-A” was…at all. It just seemed too random. Maybe there’s another twist coming?! All in all, it was good but not great, which seems to be my opinion on all of the books so far. This is a first, but I actually prefer the TV show over the books. This has never happened, people! I just love the dark, creepy shit on the show and the books just aren’t giving me that. Not to mention, the relationships on the show are fucking phenomenal! I mean, I got legitimately mad when Caleb and Hanna broke up, and when Spencer was constantly lying to Toby I just kept thinking “please don’t break up with her, please don’t break up with her! She’ll explain everything later, homie!” I don’t get that kind of emotion for any of the relationships in the books…I wish I did. 

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Killer by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 6)

In picture-perfect Rosewood, Pennsylvania, ash-blond highlights gleam in the winter sun and frozen lakes sparkle like Swarovski crystals. But pictures often lie – and so do Rosewood’s four prettiest girls. Hanna, Aria, Spencer, and Emily have been lying ever since they became friends with beautiful Alison DiLaurentis. Ali made them do terrible things – things they had to keep secret for years. And even though Ali was killed at the end of seventh grade, their bad-girl ways didn’t die with her. Hanna’s on a mission to corrupt Rosewood’s youth, starting with a very attractive sophomore. Aria’s snooping into her boyfriend’s past. Spencer’s stealing – from her family. And pure little Emily’s abstaining from abstinence.

The girls should be careful, though. They thought they were safe when Ali’s killer was arrested and A’s true identity was finally revealed. But now there’s a new A in town turning up the heat. And this time Rosewood is going to burn.

While this isn’t my least favorite book of the series so far, it’s not my favorite either. I found myself getting a little annoyed with the girls in this book, mainly because I feel like there is a lot of repetition. The main factors that kept this from plunging to a 2 star were…well, I’ll tell you later. Let’s start from the beginning.

Killer picks up with the girls finding Ian Thomas’s dead body in the woods behind Spencer’s house, only when they bring Officer Wilden to the scene of the crime…his body is gone. There is no trace that he was ever there. Was he not really dead? Was it a dummy? If he wasn’t dead, where did he go? The police are convinced the girls were simply crying wolf to get attention and a manhunt ensues to find Ian, who is still being charged with Alison’s murder. On top of the town of Rosewood branding them all liars, they are also dealing with their own issues.

Hanna is battling her conniving soon-to-be stepsister, Kate, for the role of “Queen Bee” at Rosewood Day…which is what she was doing basically the entire last book as well. Her whole attitude in this book was a little annoying, which sucks because Hanna is my favorite character. Now I feel like she doesn’t care about anyone else but herself, and if something doesn’t involve one-upping Kate, she isn’t interested. Lame. I do actually like her romantic interest in Mike, even though it’s once again just a competition with Kate to see who can win him over. I hope they stay together, but I’m not holding my breath.

Aria finally decides to do something about her crush on Ali’s older brother, Jason. Her storyline seems to get a little repetitive too; she is always dating/wanting to date the wrong guy. First it was Ezra, then Xavier, and now Jason. The issue of her living with her dad and his new fiancée wasn’t really brought up, and the Xavier/Aria awkwardness was barely touched on.

Spencer is now convinced she was adopted, and signed up for an online site where kids can find their biological parents. As expected, she finds someone claiming to be her birth mother who “just can’t wait to meet her!” This turn of events with the birth mother was extremely predictable, in my opinion. I didn’t necessarily foresee what issue would be presented, but I knew the whole situation was just too good to be true. Meanwhile, her parents are pretty much downright awful to her. I mean, they sold her car back to the dealership without even warning her…yeah…sold her freaking car and didn’t tell her. A-holes.

Emily and Isaac turned up the heat in their relationship, but it turns out someone has a fire extinguisher ready…his mother. I actually feel really bad for Emily, because his mom is a reeeeal piece of work.  

With Ian swearing he’s not the one who killed Ali, the girls begin to think that he just might be telling the truth and turn their attention to a couple of guys in Rosewood who have been acting a big out of the ordinary. Is it possible they had it wrong all along with Ian? Are the police really covering something up? There are a lot of unanswered questions at the end of this book and holy shiitake mushrooms, the cliffhanger is something fierce!

The last three or four chapters and the crazy cliffhanger are what really saved the book from being a 2 star in my opinion. (See, I told you I’d tell you about it later!) The mystery aspect is great and it constantly keeps me on my toes, but I just wish it would lose some of the repetitiveness with the girls’ individual issues. Oh…and the whole thing with the Time Capsule flag? I’m over it. I think I have read the exact same scene with the girls in Ali’s backyard and Jason storming out of the house about 5 or 6 times within the past two books. (Once again, repetitiveness.) That being said, it’s still a good read and I’m ready to dive right into Heartless.

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Unbelievable by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 4)

Behind Rosewood’s grand facades, where the air smells like apples and Chanel No. 5 and infinity pools sparkle in landscaped backyards, nothing is as it seems. It was here, back in seventh grade, that five best friends shared everything – Seven jeans, MAC makeup, and their deepest darkest secrets. For Aria, Spencer, Hanna, and Emily, it was a dream come true…until Alison, the most beautiful of them all, suddenly vanished.

Now someone named A has turned their charmed lives into a living nightmare. Emily has been shipped off to her hyper-conservative cousins in Iowa. Aria is stuck living with her dad and his home-wrecker girlfriend. And Spencer fears she had something to do with Alison’s murder. But Hanna’s fate is far worse than all of that – she’s clinging to life in the hospital, because “she knew too much.”

With A’s threats turning dangerous and Ali’s killer still on the loose, the girls must uncover the truth – about A, about Ali, and about what happened to Hanna – before they become A’s next victims. But as they unravel Rosewood’s mysteries and secrets, will it bring an end to the horror…or is this just the beginning?

While this book was fairly predictable, I did still enjoy it. It sounds bad, but I’m actually glad I’m done with the first four books, only because seasons 1 & 2 of Pretty Little Liars follow books 1-4, and the beginning of season 3 does as well. I’m ready to read without knowing what’s coming! Granted, the show follows the books loosely, but the main issues are consistent…the major one being the revealing of “-A,” which is finally done in this book.

Let’s see what the girls have gotten themselves into now:

We were left with the cliffhanger of Hanna realizing who “-A” is…and when she’s running across the parking lot to tell her friends, she gets mowed down by an SUV. Awesome. After coming out of a coma, she can’t remember the night of the accident. At all. She has no recollection of who “-A” is or how she even figured it out in the first place. She has also managed to forget how Mona humiliated her at her birthday party, which Mona takes full advantage of…because she sucks a big one. I’ve never been a fan of Mona and after what she did to Hanna at her birthday party, I pretty much despised her. Oh, and Hanna is also in a tug-of-war with her feelings towards Lucas; he’s a sweet guy but he’s not popular and Mona constantly rags on him…once again, because she sucks a big one.

Spencer is still hiding the fact that she plagiarized her sister’s paper for her econ class, which consequently was nominated for a Golden Orchid award and she just so happens to be one of the finalists. Rather than deal with the public humiliation of their daughter being known as a cheater, her parents have decided to bury her secret and have her go along with the notion that she actually did write paper. Superb parenting, by the way. While keeping this secret from everyone outside her family, she is also still trying to wrap her head around her blackouts, and remember anything from the night Ali went missing that will convince her she wasn’t the one who killed Ali.

Emily was shipped off to Iowa after she refused to complete Tree Top, the “reform” program that “fixes” homosexuality. Her first night, she sneaks out with her cousins and meets, Trisha, a bisexual girl who I actually really liked. She was kind of carefree and fun, which seems like the opposite of Maya (I’ve never been a big Maya fan, either.) When her aunt & uncle find out they snuck out, the cousins all blame Emily and she gets shipped back to Rosewood. I kind of saw this coming…

Lastly, Aria just got her world rocked. Her mom kicked her out, her boyfriend found out she was messing around with Ezra, and called the cops resulting in Ezra’s arrest, and she’s now living with her dad and his new girlfriend, Meredith. She also finds out some interesting information about the night Jenna Cavanaugh was blinded that makes her and the other girls see how much Ali was really hiding from them. Now…the most important question: With Ezra out of jail and no one pressing charges, can he and Aria finally make their relationship work?

Okay, take a second to breathe. On top of all that mess, we finally find out who “-A” is and the police take a suspect into custody for the murder of Alison. I liked this book, but I didn’t love it. Most of the storylines were rather predictable and would have been even if I didn’t have knowledge from watching the show. As much as I like this series so far, I can’t say that I love it. I actually prefer the TV show, which is probably a first. I wish Toby was still around and had the storyline he does in the show, and I wish Caleb and Hanna were together…or that he was in the books at all, which maybe he is later. Correction: I hope he is later. That being said, I’m anxious to continue the series since I’m getting to the point in the books that hasn’t been covered in the show yet. Bring it.

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Perfect by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 3)

In Rosewood, Pennsylvania, four perfect-looking girls aren’t nearly as perfect as they seem. Aria can’t resist her forbidden ex. Hanna is on the verge of losing her BFF. Emily is freaking out over a simple kiss. And Spencer can’t keep her hands off anything that belongs to her sister.

Lucky me. I know these pretty little liars better than they know themselves. But it’s hard keeping all of their secrets to myself. They better do as I say…or else!

After finishing the third book in this series, I think it’s safe to say that each book gets a little better, a little creepier, and a lot more destructive. Aria, Hanna, Spencer, and Emily thought they had it figured out when all signs pointed to Toby Cavanaugh being Ali’s killer and the mysterious, all-knowing “-A.” Well, that is until he turns up dead from an apparent pill overdose and leaves behind a suicide note; a note that explains his secret that he was so ashamed of…and it had nothing to do with Ali’s murder. They are now back at square one trying to figure out who could have wanted Alison dead, and there is now a Rosewood Stalker lurking around their town. With all that going on, it does seem the girls have one positive thing going for them: they haven’t heard from “-A” in weeks, and they start to think that maybe they can finally breathe again knowing their secrets are safe…but are they really?

Aria is dealing with the fallout of her mom finding out that her dad was cheating on her before they moved to Iceland…and then resumed the affair when they moved back to Rosewood. So, her mom has every right to be pissed. Cheating isn’t cool and adultery is way less cool. HOWEVER, her mom’s attitude towards Aria is incredibly uncalled for. Granted, Aria knew about her father’s infidelity but a child should never be put in the middle of that kind of situation. Her dad should have never asked her to keep the secret in the first place, but her mom shouldn’t be a raging bitch to her for not telling her either. It’s not her place to tell her mom that…she’s not the one cheating! For real y’all…her mom blows this sh*t way out of proportion and after Aria tells her mom what she did to Meredith in an attempt to get her out of her dad’s life, her mom kicks her out of the house. SHE KICKS HER DAUGHTER OUT OF THE HOUSE! B*tch is unstable. It made me really dislike her mom…even more so than her dad and he’s the one that cheated! As if that isn’t enough to deal with, Aria is getting heat from Hanna for dating her ex-boyfriend and she still has serious feelings for her English teacher, Ezra. I’ll say this…you will never expect how that whole sitch ends. Sh*t gets real.

Emily’s family finds out she is a lesbian and I’m fairly certain her mom almost has a mental breakdown. They try to rectify the situation by sending her to Tree Tops, a “reform” program that will “fix” her homosexual feelings. If she doesn’t complete the program successfully, they’re shipping her off to live on a farm with her aunt and uncle in Iowa. Yeah…this is going to work out wonderfully… *eye roll*

Hanna is probably my favorite of all four girls, and she just can’t seem to catch a break. I just really feel for her because I think she really is a good person, she just let herself get caught up in looking perfect and maintaining her huge popularity. Unfortunately, it looks like she’s taking a huge fall from grace. She has lost her boyfriend to Aria, she lost her father to his new fiancé and soon-to-be stepdaughter, and now she’s losing her best friend Mona to a new group of girls. I actually got a little teary-eyed during Hanna’s whole fiasco at Mona’s birthday party…I just felt awful for her.

Lastly, Spencer; she stole more than just her sister’s fiancé and when her parents and sister find out what she did, sh*t hits the fan. Or hits the stairs…hard. She is also trying to remember the night of Alison’s disappearance because she is starting to feel like there are chunks of memory completely gone from that night…which all makes sense when her mom reveals something about Spencer that even she wasn’t aware of.

“-A” comes storming back into the girls’ lives and stirs up some serious sh*t…that is until “-A” gets sloppy. Instead of texting with an unknown number, they screw up and text from a local Rosewood phone number…and Hanna thinks the number looks a little too familiar. The other three girls come to their own conclusions and end up pointing the finger at one of the four of them…but could one of girls really be capable of killing Alison?

Once again, I feel like the books each get a little better than the last one. The mystery steps it up a notch, relationships fall apart and new love blossoms, and “-A” will clearly do anything to keep the girls from finding out who is behind the mysterious texts and emails. Oh, oh, oh!! And I can’t freaking wait to find out what happens to Ezra and Aria!!! Can’t. Freaking. Wait!! In the words of Jay-Z: “On to the next one…”

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