You're Not Doing It Right by Michael Ian Black

Darkly humorous and told with raw honesty, You’re Not Doing It Right is Michael’s debut memoir. In it, he takes on his childhood, his marriage, his children, and his career with unexpected candor and deadpan wit, as he shares the neuroses that have plagued him since he was a kid and how they shaped him into the man he is today.

“Martha wants to be married in a Catholic church. I do not. I would prefer to be married in a more secular setting, one that has personal meaning for me: a riverboat casino perhaps, or a Taco Bell.” - Michael

Michael Ian Black is a bit of an asshole, and yet…I find him hilarious. Granted, I have a kind of asshole-y sense of humor sometimes, but I think it’s the honesty in his humor that just kills me. I saw a few reviews that said something along the lines of, “if you’re a woman you won’t like this book.” Um…I absolutely disagree. If you are a woman with a sense of humor, you’ll dig this book. If you don’t have a sense a humor, well, I feel sorry for you…and what would you be doing picking up a comedian’s book anyway?

This is a memoir that includes stories about his childhood, dating life (or lack thereof), marriage, children, and everything that makes those things great; and makes those things really suck. He talks about the joy of getting an Easy Bake oven for Christmas (because he was convinced his lesbian mom was trying to turn him gay), his obsession with Kevin Federline’s weight gain, convincing himself he has a brain tumor…and that’s just to name a few. There were several instances throughout this book that I found myself obnoxiously laughing out loud, and I think my favorite story was about his struggle to deal with his sister’s sleep apnea. While I was reading it I kept thinking, “I probably shouldn’t be laughing…this shouldn’t be funny…sleep apnea can be scary…” and yet I found myself laughing anyway. Because it wasn’t funny; it was hilarious. Here’s a little snip-it from that part of the book; it’s Christmas Eve and he’s in the shared bedroom with his sister:

“Every nerve in my body focuses on my sister. Breathe! She’s still not breathing. Should I get Mom? I should get Mom. But what if I wake up the whole house and it turns out Susan is fine? Then everybody will be awake and then the Santa Rules will almost certainly apply. I don’t think I can risk not getting presents just to save my sister’s life. On the other hand, Santa definitely won’t come if I let my sister die. Definitely not this year and possibly never again. She’s not breathing. She’s dead. I know she’s dead.”

There really isn’t a whole lot else I can say about this other than if you like reading memoirs, you should definitely put this one at the top of your list. Well, I would recommend putting it at the top of your list if you like memoirs and a dark sense of humor. I promise you won’t regret it, and if you do…well…that just f*cking sucks, I guess.

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Confetti Covered Quicksand by Amy Asbury

(The Sunset Strip Diaries series, book 2)
Fresh from the Sunset Strip in Hollywood, Amy Asbury is at a crossroads. The grunge scene took over and left her hair band crowd in the dust. Where to go? What to do? It was as if a three year long party had just been broken up and no one remembered where they lived. Everyone was left with an identity crisis. Those who turned to drugs found themselves spinning out of control, especially Amy’s friend Birdie.

The Sunset Strip girls migrated into the mainstream LA club scene and took over the VIP rooms. Read about lots of run-ins with 1990’s stars like Anna Nicole Smith, Pamela Anderson, and many others. What happened inside the clubs? Read about the insane nights of young twenty-somethings on the loose in Los Angeles.

When Amy became overwhelmed by LA, she headed for Aspen, Colorado. Read about the total chaos inside the closed doors of Aspen ski lodges, where cocaine was king. The death of a close friend caused her to sink into an ugly depression. Will she turn to drugs to comfort herself?

This is a true story of a girl in Los Angeles, trying to survive on her looks and struggling with her identity. It is about using drugs and alcohol to cover up pain and humiliation. Can she find happiness in the emptiest, numbest city in the world?

A quote from page 146: “Los Angeles makes me sad. It’s like confetti covered quicksand. You don’t notice you are sinking, because there is always a party going on around you, so sensationally slick and fun.”

Amy finds herself lost, not sure where to turn now that her party scene on the Sunset Strip has officially been taken over by the grunge movement. Does she stick around and become a washed up has-been, does she move? No. She does the only thing that she can think of to keep the party going; she redefines herself and makes new friends who are tuned into the new LA club scene. She manages to make herself an “it-girl” in the club scene, and continues the constant party that her life has become over the past three years. Her life is just as chaotic now as it was during the glam rock scene, which actually surprised me. She’s still hanging out with dancers, getting blackout drunk, obsessing about her looks, and having frequent celebrity run-ins with people such as Tommy Lee, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt LeBlanc, and Anna Nicole Smith.

She finally moves to Aspen, Colorado after having a breakdown, losing a number of her close friends, and trying to distance herself from her friend Birdie, who is now a full blown heroin junkie. As she takes in Aspen, she quotes “I half expected some yodeling son of a bitch to zoom by me on a bobsled or the Von Trapps from The Sound of Music to come frolicking over the mountaintops.” That made me giggle : ) She quickly finds the party scene in Aspen, at which time she finds out the drug of choice that everyone seems to be doing there is cocaine. One guy actually deals coke to his own parents! His own parents! Is this real life?! I was continually shocked reading this book, and I really thought after reading The Sunset Strip Diaries that nothing in this book would wow me the way the stories in that book did; I was wrong.

The stories in this book are just as ridiculous, which just goes to show you that even though the glam rock scene on the Sunset Strip died, Amy still found a way to keep her party alive. It was kind of mindboggling just how much energy she put into completely revamping her look, attitude, and trying not to look “white trash” just so she could keep partying with the “in-crowd.” When one of her close friends died, I was a little bit heartbroken. I kind of had an inkling it was coming, but I just didn’t want to believe it.

Like I said in my review of The Sunset Strip Diaries, Amy’s writing style makes you feel like you’re right there with her experiencing all of this craziness first hand. It’s captivating, scandalous, and incredibly delicious.  

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Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me by Chelsea Handler

It’s no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out “dumbassness,” the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Family, friends, and coworkers have all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about their humiliating experiences.

It doesn’t matter if you’re minding your own business, busily working, or honeymooning thousands of miles away. No one is ever safe from Chelsea’s fake e-mails and phony pregnancies, bogus smuggling schemes and made-up sports bets. Because whether it’s premeditated or spur-of-the-moment, Chelsea will do anything for a laugh. And that’s the truth.

I have read all three of Chelsea Handler’s previous books and loved them, so I had high expectations for Lies. Unfortunately, I think my expectations were a little too high. Don’t get me wrong; it was still a good book and made me laugh out loud on few occasions, but it just wasn’t quite as good as her previous books. In my opinion, the humor is a little weaker in this book because it isn’t written by Chelsea; it’s written by her friends, family, and coworkers, most of whom are funny…but they’re just not Chelsea funny.

On the jacket cover of the book is the following quote by Chelsea Handler: “My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.” I knew that her lies would be somewhat large, but I had no idea they would be on such a grand scale. I mean…holy crap! After I read this book, I’m actually a little bit grateful that I’m not friends with Chelsea just for my own sanity. Her lies range from faking a pregnancy to forging co-workers emails, but my favorite story involves her convincing a fellow bridesmaid to sing a duet with the bride to her new husband, because the bride was “too scared to do it alone.” After the poor bridesmaid starts singing and sees the bride’s reaction, she finally realizes that this was just another one of Chelsea’s schemes to keep herself entertained.

I actually thought the stories written by her family members were a lot funnier than the stories written by the comedic writers on her show, which kind of surprised me. Also, some of the stories made her seem almost vicious, although I honestly don’t think that is ever her intention with her pranks. She’s almost like an 8-year-old boy with a severe case of ADD. All in all, I thought it was a good book and it did make me laugh out loud a few times, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea.  

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The Sunset Strip Diaries by Amy Asbury

(The Sunset Strip Diaries series, book 1)
There comes a time in every girl’s life, where she has to choose good or choose bad. Amy Asbury chose bad, hands down. Good meant wallflowers, secretaries and subservient wives. Bad meant power – and a possible escape from a life of secrets.

At twelve-years-old she was trying to make sense of a drug-addicted father and his disturbing behavior. By fifteen she was dealing with horrendous depression, blackouts and rape. At sixteen she was in a mental institution for suicidal tendencies and violent behavior. She could never be normal. The only place for a girl like her was Hollywood.

This is a true story of the social ascent (and eventual decline) of a girl in the Sunset Strip music scene of the early 1990’s. From crazy parties to glittered junkies and man-eating strippers, Amy has chronicled what life was like back in the days of excess and debauchery. It is not just a fascinating look into an amusing time in pop culture, but also details the mindset of a young woman trying to find confidence and self-worth in a life full of pain and chaos.

The party came screeching to a halt when the Grunge movement took over and heroin became more prominent. How far off track can a person go before it’s too late?

WARNING: This book contains substance abuse, profanity, and disturbing sexual situations,

This book chronicles the life of a confused teenage girl trying to find her way in life, and desperately wanting to become a part of the party scene on the Sunset Strip. She succeeds, and the stories of her three wild years being a popular staple on the Strip are shocking, somewhat depressing, and at some points even a little bit horrifying.

Amy’s childhood was anything but normal; her mother has completely turned her back on her and acts like she doesn’t exist and she is coping with the realization that her father may have sexually molested her when she was just twelve-years-old. She does however show off her humor to lighten up the book in some situations, whether it’s from her dousing herself in knockoff perfume (where she says “I’m sure I smelled like an old lady’s crotch"), to trying to teach herself about sex by listening to the Beastie Boys album, Licensed to Ill, to finally describing herself as “a giant heaving bowl of crazy with sprinkles on top.” Even through the humor, it was easy to see this was a troubled girl. By the age of fifteen, she had been date raped, videotaped, blackmailed, contracted VD, was bulimic, suicidal and failing school. By the age of sixteen, she had been put in a psych ward twice. That just sounds like the definition of path of destruction.

Her stories while on the Sunset Strip are just outrageous…that’s really the only way I can describe it. She tells of her relationships with glam rockers from various bands like Swingin’ Things, Alleycat Scratch, Glamour Punks, and Big Bang Babies, befriending various strippers (and as she finds out, one hooker), and details partying and frequently blacking out at hot spots on the Strip; The Rainbow, The Roxy, Whisky, El Compadre, and Gazzarri’s were a few of her most frequent hangouts. She rarely worked, never had any money, and relied solely on her looks and mooching off of her friends to support her Hollywood lifestyle. She’s determined to make it to the top no matter what the consequences. She eventually does become a hot commodity on the Sunset Strip, and then the Grunge movement takes over and she soon realizes the whole scene that has been her life for the past three years is in serious decline, if not already dead. Should she stick around Hollywood and live life as a has-been, or should she try to turn her mess of a life around?

I won’t lie; some parts of this memoir are actually rather disturbing. The number of times she gets raped is shocking, and her complete disregard for everyone is just sad. Overall, it was an easy read, and her writing style coupled with frequent diary excerpts makes you feel like you are right there partying on the Sunset Strip with her. You get an inside view of the crazy, glitter-covered Sunset Strip in the late 80’s and early 90’s, and I can’t wait to read the sequel to see just what became of Amy after the death of glam rock. 

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Beyond The Phog by Jason King

Since the turn of the century, not many college basketball teams in the country have enjoyed success quite like Kansas. Winning the 2088 national championship was certainly the highlight, but the most dominant era in school history also includes a national-best 300 wins, three Finals Fours and nine Big 12 titles since 2001.

The consistency was unmatched.

As a sportswriter covering the Jayhawks, first for The Kansas City Star and then for Yahoo! Sports, Jason King was there to chronicle it all. From Roy Williams’ stunning departure to Mario’s Miracle against Memphis to Kansas’ 69-game winning streak at Allen Fieldhouse, King witnessed all the highlights – and lowlights – from 2000 and beyond. In short, he was the ultimate insider.

Now you will be, too.

With Beyond The Phog, King provides Kansas fans with an unprecedented glimpse into one of the most memorable eras in the program’s rich history. Extensive interviews with nearly 40 players from the last decade, as well as both head coaches, reveal fascinating details about the inner workings of a true college basketball dynasty.

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll be riveted – and, at times, shocked. Whatever the case, even the most ardent Kansas supporters will be exposed to candid, behind-the-scenes stories and anecdotes that, until now, had been confined to the Jayhawks’ locker room.

I debated on whether or not I should post a review for this book, but ultimately I figured why not?! Now, one thing you should know about me is that I am a huge sports fan; I am also a die-hard KU fan. I read this book when it first came out about a year ago, but I figured there was no harm in posting my review. Yes, I am a biased KU fan. Yes, I cry when KU basketball loses a game. Yes, I have trained to hate Missouri since I was a little kid. BUT…I appreciate sports, and even if this book wasn’t about KU basketball I would be tempted to read it; unless it was about Mizzou. You couldn’t pay me enough to read anything about anything to do with Mizzou. I digress.

This is an insider view on the most dominant decade in Kansas basketball history with interviews from prominent players and both head coaches, Roy Williams and Bill Self. Now...I love to see the camaraderie between both former and current players, as well as the coach-player relationships. The individual chapters for each player give you an insight to what they thought of their fellow players, the coaches, and how they managed to pass the time when they weren’t in class or on the court. As a KU student, I know how the basketball players are treated off the court; they are celebrities in Lawrence, Kansas. They get free drinks, free cover at any club or bar, and have girls throwing themselves at them. In Beyond The Phog, they admit that being a basketball player does have its perks in regards to girls and social life.

I loved reading about Bill Self’s boot camp, the locker room vibe at halftime of big games, finding out who the jokesters were on each team…all of it. The one thing that just crushed me was reading the chapters of players involved in the heartbreaking NCAA tourney losses; Nick Collison and Kirk Hinrich talking about the loss to Syracuse (which still stings 8 years later by the way), both first round losses to Bucknell and Bradley, and Brady Morningstar and Tyrel Reed discuss the feeling in the locker room after their VCU loss.

If you are a college basketball fan and enjoy reading about the dynasties, I know you’ll enjoy this book. I am a KU fan, so I am completely biased but this book is just awesome. Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

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Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another bestselling book on your hands.

Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to “some next level shit.”

WARNING: This book contains frequent profanity and sexual situations.

I read Tucker’s first book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, because my friend read the book and he said it was the funniest book he had ever read. I heard about it from a few people, but never actually made the effort to go buy it, so when I was given the opportunity to borrow it, I figured I’d give it a whirl. After reading that book, I wanted nothing more than to read more about Tucker Max and his ridiculous, drunken shenanigans. Needless to say, I was not disappointed in Assholes Finish First.

Tucker Max is an asshole. He knows it and admits it. I mean, it says it right in the title of this book. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks or says about him, and as far as I can tell, doesn’t have much of a conscience to constitute him having regrets. He does what…or who…he wants and doesn’t think he has to provide any explanation. I enjoy going out with my friends and have had some wild nights in college, but it is not even anywhere close to the level that Tucker Max is on. One of the funniest stories in this book is actually the very first one, Tucker Goes to Campout, Owns Duke Nerds. It involves camping out at Duke to get basketball tickets and Tucker using a megaphone. If you’ve read any of his books, just hearing this would probably be enough to bring out a little chuckle. Sure, when you read it you think “wow…this dude is a huge asshole”, but he’s a funny asshole. With his friends in tow, they do things that everyone else would be scared to do. They do things that other people wouldn’t even consider doing, and somehow make it absolutely hilarious.

One of the chapters in the book, The TuckerFest Story, is one of the most outrageous stories I have ever read, heard of, whatever. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who may be interested in reading the book, but I’ll just say it involves a bunch of white dudes driving around an RV and getting lost in Harlem. And actually, that doesn’t even cover half of the ridiculousness that happens in that chapter! Between that chapter, the Duke camping chapter, and a chapter that involves a Halloween Party in DC and a plastic parrot named Mr. Peepers, I was rolling…and that’s just three chapters out of the whole book!

One difference between this book and IHTSBIN is that you realize Tucker isn’t always a dick. He talks about how he has had serious girlfriends and is completely monogamous when he’s in a relationship, regardless of how many girls email him to proposition sex. He talks about wanting marriage, and kids…which actually surprised me. He talks about a 10 month relationship he had with a nurse and he conveys real emotion when he talks about how difficult it was to end that relationship. Couple that with the love he shows for his dog, Murph, and you realize this guy isn’t all bad.

Some women might find it odd that I didn’t find this book offensive, but in all honestly, I didn’t. He doesn’t generalize when referring to women; he may be an asshole to the girls he sleeps with, but if you’re going to proposition a guy for sex that is a known asshole, what do you really expect? Obviously this book isn’t appropriate for a younger audience, but I would highly recommend it to anyone old enough to handle the material…and anyone that has a good enough sense of humor to handle the material!

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Life As I Blow It by Sarah Colonna

Sarah Colonna believes that we all struggle to grow up. Sometimes we want to have fun, not take things too seriously, and have that fourth margarita. Other times we would like to get married, stay in, order Chinese food, and have a responsible, secure life.

From her formative years in small-town Arkansas to a later career of dates, drinks, and questionable day jobs, Colonna attempts to reconcile her responsible side with her fun-loving side. Sometimes this pans out, and sometimes she finds herself in Mexico handing out her phone number to anyone who calls her pretty. She moves to Los Angeles to pursue acting, but for years is forced to hone her bartending skills; she wants a serious boyfriend, but won’t give up nights at the bar with her friends. She tries to behave like an adult, but can’t seem to stop acting like a frat boy. In the end, she discovers that there doesn’t have to be just one or the other. And if there’s one thing Colonna has learned from her many missteps, it’s that hindsight is always 100 proof.

I had pretty high expectations for this book, because I’ve always thought Sarah was funny on Chelsea Lately and After Lately. I wouldn’t exactly say I was disappointed; it was a good book but I just expected it to be a lot funnier. Most of the book was just her talking about past boyfriends, how much she dislikes bartending, and hooking up with guys on the first date. Don’t get me wrong, some of the chapters were actually very funny. The story of her losing her virginity to a tobacco chewing, El Camino-driving boyfriend was pretty damn funny, and actually made me feel bad for her at the same time.

If you buy this book, you already know she eventually does make it in Los Angeles and ends up being a successful writer for Chelsea Lately, but I still felt myself rooting for her throughout the book. She has an honest writing style, and the way she talks about feeling like she needs to ‘grow up’ but she still wants to go out and have fun is a constant battle I think a lot people in their mid-twenties face. She doesn’t hold back or sugarcoat anything; from failing miserably at a stand-up gig, getting blackout drunk in Cabo and waking up on the bathroom floor (and not remembering how she got back to her hotel room), or being so upset about a breakup that even burning his stuff didn’t help her get over him.  She has an endearing quality about her that is very relatable, and surprisingly refreshing.

All in all, I did enjoy it and if you’re a fan of her on Chelsea Lately, I would recommend this book. I thought there would be a little more humor, but it shows that Sarah is just a down-to-earth Southern girl working hard and living her dreams in LA, while still enjoying the occasional cocktail…or seven.  

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Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling

Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleck-impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?”

Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks make a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!

In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Door – not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka.

I have always loved Mindy Kaling’s portrayal of Kelly Kapoor on The Office, which is what encouraged me to read this book. I actually finished it in one day, and am happy to say I was not disappointed. I like reading biographies written by comedians, because I have yet to read one that I didn’t enjoy. Mindy’s comedic timing is borderline perfect, and she manages to poke fun at herself and certain people without being horribly brash. I love Chelsea Handler’s honest, no-bullshit sense of humor, but Mindy’s is more refreshing.

She incorporates comical childhood memories (the one involving her on a diving board at summer camp had me laughing out loud) with some insightful life goals that really give you a feel for who she really is and what she really wants out of life. I loved the chapter about the difference between dating a boy and dating a man, which is a situation every woman goes through at least in her life. Some of the chapters were rather short; the chapter involving men and their chest hair was only a page and half, which makes it seem a little random.

Overall, it was a quick read, made me laugh, and made me like Mindy Kaling even more. 

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Beyond Belief by Josh Hamilton

Josh Hamilton was the first player chosen in the first round of the 1999 baseball draft. He was destined to be one of those rare “high-character” superstars. But in 2001, working his way from the minors to the majors, all of the plans for Josh went off the rails in a moment of weakness. What followed was a 4-year nightmare of drugs and alcohol, estrangement from friends and family, and his eventual suspension from baseball.

BEYOND BELIEF details the events that led up to the derailment. Josh explains how a young man destined for fame and wealth could allow his life to be taken over by drugs and alcohol. But it is also the memoir of a spiritual journey that breaks through pain and heartbreak and leads to the rebirth of his major-league career.

DISCLOSURE: The drug abuse in the book is quite frequent, and some of it can be disturbing to read.

I have always been a big fan of sports, so I tend to enjoy biographies or memoirs about athletes; Josh Hamilton’s is my favorite by far. This is an amazing story of how a young man with the world at his front door managed to get his baseball career back on track after years of abusing cocaine, crack, and alcohol. I have to admit that I am intrigued by stories about addiction, mainly because I have never used drugs so the idea of someone’s whole life revolving around trying to get your next high is so foreign to me. How could someone with such a bright, successful future just throw it all away to go on a binger? Josh explains his story in a way that makes you understand this is a force bigger than yourself. It changes your perspective on everything, and eventually you don’t care about anything…including baseball...other than getting high. He did some pretty awful things to his friends and family, but there was not one time during this book that I wasn’t rooting for Josh to turn it all around.  

It really broke my heart to see how self-destructive Josh was becoming, and how his amazing baseball career was slipping further and further out of reach. He was going from a #1 prospect to a crack head with wasted talent. He details how this drug use took a toll not only on his life, but his parents, his brother, and his girlfriend who would eventually become his wife. The entire baseball league looked at him as a waste of money, and a huge liability. He explains how he managed to blow through his entire $4 million signing bonus, because of the amount of money he was spending on drugs daily. My heart ached for his family and all those around him who genuinely tried to help him beat his addiction, and each time Josh entered rehab, I found myself praying this would be the time he would finally get clean. Josh finally formed a relationship with God, and hoped for a comeback with the help of his family, friends, and Savior that he neglected for years because his life revolved around drugs and alcohol.

This is just a wonderfully told story about an incredibly talented baseball player battling some incredibly large demons. I would recommend this book not just to sports fans, but to anyone who enjoys a story of the highs and extreme lows of overcoming drug and alcohol abuse. 

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