Seduction and Snacks by Tara Sivec

(Chocolate Lovers series, book 1)

Claire is a twenty-something, single mom that grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he’s asleep) toddler a better life.

When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time.

With Carter’s undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire’s panic that her stretch marks and slim to none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.

“Why is it that I’m just now finding out my best friend went through a lesbian phase? Every time I look at her now I’m going to picture vagina-hand. A little hand that looks like a who-ha chasing me around the house and watching me while I sleep. Vagina hand is always watching. Vagina hand sees you.” – Claire

JESUS H. CHRIST! READ THIS BOOK AND READ IT NOW!!!! This is by far the funniest book I have EVER read. Yeah, you read that right…funniest book EVER! You know those rare books that you read and by the time you’re about 10-15 pages in, you’re already in love with it? Well, you’re in luck because Seduction and Snacks is one of those books. Just a warning to anyone planning on reading this in the future (which should be every fucking one of you): if you read this in public be prepared to get crazy looks from everyone around you. Why, you ask? Well, because you’ll be rotating between laughing out loud and squirming uncomfortably because you’re getting all hot and bothered. Trust me; it’ll happen.

Claire was a twenty-year-old college student that just wanted to lose her virginity. After a drunken one night stand with a smokin’ hot guy she met a frat party, she accomplished her goal and got a little more than she bargained for; a positive pregnancy test. Four years later, she is raising her son by herself, working at a local bar, and helping her best friend sell sex toys to earn some extra money. After years of searching for her son’s father or even just learning his fucking name, she gave up on the hope of ever seeing him again. Well, clearly fate has a weird way of making sure certain people’s life intervene, and in Claire and Carter’s case, it happened to them not once…but twice.

I can’t even tell you how much I love Claire!! She is absolutely one of my favorite female book characters EVER. She’s an honest, self-sufficient, brash, hilarious 24-year-old with a mouth like a sailor. (I’ve finally found a female character that swears and says inappropriate things about as much as I do. Hey, don’t judge me…I own my shit.) Do you know how long it took me to realize that I wanted to be best friends with Claire? I believe it was about 3 pages. I was 3 pages in, and saying to myself “If this was real life, she would be my homegirl. My BFF. My Bestie. My Ride or die. Whatever the fuck people are calling best friends now.” She has this kind of in-your-face personality, but when it comes to Gavin…and Carter…you see the loving, caring, soft side of her to balance out her brashness.

Carter was just wonderful. I loved him and his whole attitude towards Claire and Gavin made my heart smile! Speaking of Gavin…Christ on a cracker; that little boy is too fucking much!!! In a good way! He had my hysterics with some of his comments to Carter, and the back and forth between him and Drew had me rolling! Really, all the characters in this book were perfect: Liz, Jim, Claire’s dad, Jenny…they just added even more hilariousness to the storyline.

The steamy scenes between Claire and Carter were just fire. FIRE. Like, the kind of scenes that make you want to jump the next guy you see…or at the very least make you wish you were reading this in the privacy of your home…in your bed…with your JR and a fresh pair of batteries nearby. Ain’t no shame…*shrugs*

Seriously though, this book just plain fucking rocks. I don’t give out 5-star ratings very often, but this one beyond deserves it!! I wish I could show y’all how many parts of this book are highlighted on my Nook because it’s just ridiculous.  I know I said it already but if you haven’t read Seduction and Snacks yet, BUY. IT. NOW!!! I promise you won’t be disappointed! Tara Sivec, you are a fucking genius and if you ever need a new best friend, hit me up homegirl!

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COVER REVEAL: Dirty Red by Tarryn Fisher

Expected Publication Date: 2013

Dirty Red is the second book in the Love Me With Lies series, and is written from Leah's point of view. The first book, The Opportunist, is written from Olivia's point of view, and you can find my review of it here. Guys...I'm CRAZY excited for this book!!

SYNOPSIS: 

Dear Opportunist,

You thought you could take him from me, but you lost. Now, that he's mine i'll do anything to keep him. Do you doubt me? I have everything that was supposed to be yours. In case you were wondering; he doesn't ever think about you anymore. I won't let him go...ever.

Dirty Red

He Loves Me...He Loves You Not by Lauren Hammond

Riley loves Henry. Henry loves Riley, but he’s dating Callie.

Riley Davis is mixed up in an emotional love triangle that she wants out of. But she can’t help the way she feels about Henry Garner. She’s obsessed. And she’s convinced that her on the sly relationship with Henry is going to end badly.

And Henry has a secret. A secret that could make or break one relationship. But which one will it be? His relationship with Callie? Or his romantic entanglement with Riley?

“I’d told myself that some part of him was better than no part of him. But some part of him is beginning to break me. I want more. I need more. Because like Callie, I’m in love with him, too.” – Riley

I love the stories that have happily ever afters, but if you were to ask me to choose between that and a story about an angst-driven romance, I would probably choose the latter. I don’t know why I like books about messy, imperfect, gut wrenching relationships so much. Maybe on some levels I feel like I relate to them? Maybe it’s because there’s the chance that the ending won’t be predictable? I don’t know. Relationships are just fucking messy sometimes, and I guess there’s a masochistic part of me that likes reading about those imperfect romances; which is why I was pretty dang excited to read He Loves Me…He Loves You Not.

The storyline is pretty self-explanatory: “Riley loves Henry. Henry loves Riley, but he’s dating Callie.” So, just how long can Henry string Riley along before she finally gets tired of being his dirty little secret?

To be completely honest, I had no problem with Riley. I don’t think cheating is right on any level, but it’s not like she was messing around with Henry just to have something fun to do; she legitimately loved him, and after all the lines he fed her about loving her, I can imagine it would be hard to turn him down or just flat out walk away from the situation. I felt for her so many times throughout this novella, because it seemed like no matter what she did or said, Henry was never willing to fully commit to her. He would give her hope and then take it right back. This brings me to my next point…

Henry. It is safe to say I am not a Henry fan. He is in love with Riley, but refuses to break up with Callie. Um…what? The reason he “can’t” leave Callie is made clear towards the end of the book, but I just don’t see that as a valid excuse…at all. He was just downright selfish. I don’t understand how he could continually hurt Riley over and over again if he loved her so much. And granted, Callie is a bitch but no girl deserves to be lied to and cheated on. To me, Henry was the embodiment of a self-centered jerk.

Despite my dislike for Henry, I did still enjoy this book. If a character evokes any kind of emotion from me, whether it is positive or negative, I think that’s a characteristic of a good author. The storyline had me in its grip from the very beginning, and didn’t let go. It’s a short read and I believe it’s only $0.99 from Barnes and Noble (as a nook book) so if you like angst-driven romances, I’d definitely encourage you to give He Loves Me…He Loves You Not a whirl.

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Stalk Me. by Jillian Dodd

(The Keatyn Chronicles, book 1)

Keatyn has everything she ever dreamed of. Her life is following the script she wrote for the perfect high school experience. She’s popular, goes to the best parties, dates the hottest guy, and sits at the most coveted lunch table.

She’s just not sure she wants it anymore.

Because really, things aren’t all that perfect.

Her best friend is threatening to tell everyone her perfect relationship is a scam.

Her perfect boyfriend gets drunk at every party they go to.

It’s exhausting always trying to look and act perfect.

And deep down, she isn’t sure if she has any true friends.

To add to the drama, her movie star mom’s long-time fan has turned stalker. An older man is flirting with her and telling her they should make a movie together. And she’s crushing on an adorable surfer. Dating a guy like him would mean committing social suicide.

So she writes a new script. One where all the pieces of her life will come together in perfect harmony.

But little does she know, there’s someone who will do anything to make sure that doesn’t happen…

“You're single. I'm single. Let’s mingle.” – Cush

Jillian Dodd, you just might be my new BFF. And that’s real talk! I was looking forward to reading Stalk Me ever since the cover reveal, and you had me hook, line, and nostalgic sinker from page one! Now…I’m going to be honest. I haven’t read That Boy or That Wedding yet. HOLD ON…CEASE FIRE!! I have both of them downloaded on my Nook, but I also have about 30 other books downloaded that I haven’t read yet either. After finishing Stalk Me, I have bumped both That Boy and That Wedding up on my “to-read” list. Needless to say, I loved this book!!!!

Stalk Me follows the story of boy crazy, sixteen-year-old, Keatyn Douglas. She lives a privileged life in Malibu; she’s pretty, popular, rich, and is dating one of the most popular boys in school. The only problem is that Keatyn starts to think that maybe all of the popularity isn’t what she wants anymore; she just wants to be herself without putting on an act to impress everyone.

So, I’ll admit that when I realized what kind of family and background Keatyn came from, I was a little worried that she wouldn’t be a relatable character. Her mom and her mom’s boyfriend are both famous movie stars, she lives in a beachfront house in Malibu, and has a closet that could rival department stores. I am sooo happy to admit that I was incredibly wrong!! Cripes, was I ever wrong! I had my Sander in high school; I was crazy about him at first and then started to question if I was just with him because everyone thought it would be crazy not to be with him. He was a great guy, a popular baseball player and was wonderful to me, but he just wasn’t doing it for me! I looked at him more as a friend than a boyfriend. When Keatyn started to question her relationship with Sander that was the moment I felt immediately bonded to her. I feel you, girl! At some point, you have to forget who everyone wants you to be with, or who everyone wants you to be, and just f*cking be who you want to be and date who you want to date; Screw everybody else!

Now…on to more important things; by that, I mean CUSH!!!!!!!! Christ on a cracker, I am 100% TEAM CUSH! Swoon City, Population: ME! If Cush went to my high school THAT is who I would want to lose my V card to, no doubt. The scenes between him and Keatyn had me grinning from ear to freaking ear…and one scene in particular made me feel like I had a pit in my stomach. I felt like I was in Keatyn’s shoes! I know it’s a good book if I’m so invested in a relationship that I feel like I’m the one going through all the sh*t! I just soooo want Keatyn and Cush together, and the fact that he bought her cowboy boots got him about 1,000 more points in my book. (Anybody who knows me, knows I loooove me a nice pair of cowboy boots!) I am from Kansas, after all! :)

I’m not sure how I feel about the end right now. The reveal of the stalker was something that blindsided me! Literally, I felt like I got sucker punched. Stalk Me is touching, sexy, shocking, and just plain freaking awesome! I am waiting on pins and needles for Kiss Me to be published, because I need more of Keayton’s story in my life! Jillian Dodd, you have become one of my favorite authors with just one book. What does that tell y’all? It tells you that you should definitely read Stalk Me. Like, now. 

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Stunning by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 11)

In Rosewood, Pennsylvania, four stunningly beautiful girls are haunted by a very ugly past. Spencer, Aria, Hanna, and Emily want nothing more than to forget Alison DiLaurentis, their former best friend who tried to ruin their lives. But someone refuses to let her memory die. A is still out there, lurking in the shadows and digging up the pretty little liars’ newest secrets.

Emily’s reconnecting with an old flame, one baby step at a time. But is she headed toward true love or another bundle of heartache? Spencer’s learning about the highs and lows of campus life on a trip to Princeton. Aria’s seeing a whole new side to Noel’s dad – and it could drive a wedge between her and Noel. And, for better or worse, Hanna’s getting in touch with her inner A.

Secret by secret, lie by lie, the girls get tangled in A’s dangerous web. A knows about everything, from their tiniest transgressions to the awful incident in Jamaica. Soon a will have enough ammunition to pull the trigger and end the pretty little liars, once and for all…

I don’t think I’ve ever felt relieved when I was so close to finishing a book series; usually I’m upset when I realize there is only one more book left to read. Guess how I felt after I finished Stunning? You guessed it; relieved. I guess there is a first for everything. I had such high hopes for this book series, which was brought on by my love of the show, Pretty Little Liars. The first 8 books were pretty good, but it has been a little brutal to finish the last three. I seriously sighed in relief when I hit the last page of Stunning. I don’t like that feeling!

The storylines are just taking an absurd turn. They have always been a little out there, but it almost feels like Sara Shepard is grasping at straws to come up with new issues for the four girls. “A” is still omnipresent and all knowing, and even though they have had quite a few suspects, none of their suspicions seem to pan out. Oh, and then you have Emily who is still convinced it is Ali. Granted, she may be right but it seems to me she just refuses to let Ali go. I will say though, I liked that we finally got to see Emily’s emotion and/or remorse towards the baby she gave away. My eyes got a little misty at the end when Emily sees her daughter with the family she gave her to; she seemed to really care that her daughter was loved, and I never got any of that from her in the previous two books. That being said, the way she gave the family the baby was f*cked up. I guess I can somewhat see why she did it, but really…? Hey Emily, your baby isn’t Harry Potter. You don’t just leave it on a doorstep with a note.

Hanna decides to start stalking her ex-boyfriend Mike, and his new girlfriend, Colleen. I think Hanna should have seen this backfiring on her considering the whole stalking idea was planted in her head by “A.” Either way, I have wanted Hanna and Mike back together for a while now and as nice as Colleen was, I was Team Hanna. I think she went a little overboard by wearing camouflage and using binoculars to spy on them in the mall, but what do I know? One aspect of Hanna’s storyline that I have really enjoyed is the new relationship she has with her step-sister, Kate. I like that they are finally getting along, and Kate seems surprisingly genuine to Hanna. Whether that’s actually here to stay or not, I guess we’ll find out in the final book.

Spencer’s storyline revolves around drugs again, and just how far she’ll go to get into an Eating Club at Princeton. While on a weekend stay, she meets Reefer (guess what his drug of choice is) and refuses to admit to herself that she could ever possibly be interested in someone like him. Well, maybe she should take his advice…”Don’t judge a book by its cover.” It turns out Reefer is more than just a pot-smoking hippie…

Aria’s big issue…is just ridiculous. She finds out Noel’s father is a cross dresser. That’s right; her boyfriend’s dad is a cross dresser. What the shit? Now, I’m not judging…you do what you do. It doesn’t affect me so live your life by doing whatever makes you happy. That being said, I think this storyline is beyond absurd. Of course “A” knows about it and threatens Aria: break up with Noel or everyone finds out his dad is a cross dresser. *facepalm*

I really, really wish I would have been able to enjoy this book, and the two prior, more than I did. I feel like my reviews might be getting repetitive when it comes to books 9-11, but it’s because none of them rock my socks off. Oh, and one final bone to pick: we still don’t know what Aria did in Iceland that is so terrible. It was brought up in Twisted, and after two more books, it’s still a mystery. This annoys me. How can you bring up something like that continually through three books, and not elaborate! I really hate to say this, but I am glad there is only one book left…and I’m glad the twelfth book, Burned, doesn’t come out for another three months. I need a break from Rosewood, Pennsylvania. 

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Ruthless by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 10)

For years, scandal has rocked Rosewood, Pennsylvania – and high school seniors Aria, Emily, Hanna, and Spencer have always been at the center of the drama. They’ve lost friends, been targeted by a ruthless stalker named A, and narrowly escaped death. And it’s not over yet.

Aria’s love life is on the fritz. Emily’s exploring her wild side. Hanna’s kissing the enemy. And someone from Spencer’s past – someone she never thought she’d see again – is back to haunt her.

But none of that compares to what happened last spring break. It’s their darkest secret yet and guess who found out? Now A is determined to make them pay for their crime, and the only thing scarier than A is the fear that maybe, just maybe, they deserve what’s coming to them.

Once again, I’m left disappointed. I just want to go back to two weeks ago when I was contemplating reading the final four books and tell myself, “Don’t you f*cking do it! End it where it was originally supposed to end with Wanted.” The storylines seem to get more and more unbelievable…literally…they are not believable, and the likability of the girls seems to be in a steady decline. The book wasn’t downright awful, and there were a few redeeming factors but after I finished it, my eyes were sore from so much eye rolling. (Okay, not really…but I did roll my eyes an unhealthy amount of times.)

So, Spencer is hooked on drugs. Yes…you read that right. She got hooked on a pill called “Easy A” which is Adderall. She never comes out and says that, but the effects described for “Easy A” are exactly the same effects for Adderall. Anyway, she gets caught with them and blames everything on her friend, because her friend doesn’t have a future; well, not according to Spencer anyway. She’s the only one trying to get into an Ivy League school and if that means putting her friend in jail, then so be it. Nice Spence…real nice.

Hanna falls for a new guy unusually fast; so fast that she doesn’t even get the chance to find out who he really is before falling head of heels for the dude. I had a sneaking suspicion that there were something off about this guy…I guess it’s good to know my instincts are still finely tuned! But honestly, I felt bad for Hanna. Granted, she should probably learn to reel in her emotions a little at first…just stick your toe in the water to feel it out; don’t go diving in head first, girl! I just wish she would get back with Mike, because clearly every other guy she’s been with is a piece of crap.

Aria gets dumped by Noel for his exchange student, Klaudia. This girl Klaudia is a real “bunt cake” with C. I have wanted to punch that little trick since the conversation she had with Aria on the ski lift. Oh, but not to worry! Ezra comes back and Aria decides she wants to uproot her life and move to New York with him. Um…what? A quote from Stepbrothers comes to mind right about now: “YOU’RE F*CKING HIGH!!” I mean, really; I get that he isn’t a stranger but he’s been back in your life for 2 hours and you’re already looking for apartments in New York? Come on, homegirl…maybe you should make sure he doesn’t have a wandering eye first.

Then there’s Emily. I honestly don’t even know where to start. She got pregnant, hid it from her family and friends, had the baby and gave it away. Okay…for starters, the time span of her being pregnant was like 5 months. So she had her baby at 5 months? Something just doesn’t add up. Oh, and just a little question…where the f*ck is this baby?! There is literally nothing said about who adopted her, where they live, etc.  I have been liking Emily less and less, and this book didn’t help me change my opinion of her, especially when she tells Kelsey about what Spencer did to her. Look, I get it; you like the girl and what Spencer did was absolutely wrong, BUT that's not your place! You’re willing to turn your back on one of your best friends for some girl you just met? Yeah, I definitely want you in my core group of friends. *Shaking my head*

I’m riding out this series even though I have been disappointed in the last two books. I’m going to be real honest, the main reason I’m finishing the series is to find out what Aria did in Iceland. It was brought up in Twisted, but we still haven’t found out what she did that was just so beyond terrible. Ruthless wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t exactly good either. I guess all I can hope for at this point is that the last two books turn it around and finish the series strong. *Fingers crossed* 

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Twisted by Sara Shepard

(Pretty Little Liars series, book 9)

It’s been a year since the torturous notes from A stopped and the mystery of Alison DiLaurentis’s disappearance was finally put to rest. Now seniors in high school, Aria, Spencer, Hanna, and Emily are older, but they’re not any wiser. The pretty little liars have more secrets than ever – twisted secrets that could destroy the perfect lives they’ve worked so hard to rebuild.

Aria’s jealous of her boyfriend’s new exchange student. Spencer’s getting a little “too” cozy with her soon-to-be stepbrother. Hanna’s one scandalous photo away from ruining her dad’s Senate campaign. And Emily will do “anything” to get a swim scholarship.

Worst of all: last spring break in Jamaica, they did something “unforgivable.” The girls are desperate to forget that fateful night, but they should know better than anyone that all secrets wash ashore…eventually.

The only major unanswered question at the end of Wanted was whether or not Alison survived the fire in the Poconos. All the other major loose ends were tied up in a nice, little bow; the four girls were all friends again, they had their lives back, we finally figured out who “A” really was and learned the real reason why she tortured the girls for so long. I would have been fine with the series ending after the chilling last line in Wanted. THAT BEING SAID…I was just too curious! I couldn’t just blow off the last four books; I just needed to know what could possibly happen after all this shit went down in Wanted.

Sadly, I was a little disappointed in Twisted. Now let me explain before you start send threatening messages to me signed with “-A.” (Yep, that was cheesy and I don’t even give a crap.) I just feel like the story has taken a ridiculous turn. Sure, there were plotlines that weren’t exactly believable in the prior 8 books but this one is a little too much. After we finally figure out the whole “Ali-Courtney-Real Ali” situation in Wanted, the “Real Ali” tries to kill the girls…once again…by burning down her family’s house in the Poconos while the girls are locked inside. Oh, and Spencer’s sister Melissa is locked in a closet in the house with…wait for it…Ian Thomas’s dead body. So yeah. The “Real Ali” was A from the beginning (with Mona’s help) and she’s the one who killed Ian, Jenna, and her twin sister Courtney…who everyone thought was Ali. Christ on a cracker, I can’t even explain that whole thing or we’ll be here all fucking day. If you want to know, read Wanted. Back on topic: the girls manage to escape the burning house and Ali burns inside the house. Or does she? They never find any remains and there are “Ali sightings” everywhere. So did she burn or is she still out there seeking revenge on the four little liars? THAT’S a badass ending to a series!

Then there’s Twisted. I was really hoping that maybe Sara would take the story in a different direction and she…did not. The girls do something terrible while on spring break in Jamaica; something they can never tell anyone. Well, someone finds out and like clockwork they start getting texts from “A” again. So, if Ali died in the fire…who is still out there threatening to ruin the girls’ lives by revealing what they did in Jamaica?

First of all, the whole Tabitha/Alison thing was just a little too ridiculous for me. Is Alison secretly a cat? Is she a fucking robot? Because those are the only explanations I can come up with as to how the hell she would ever still be alive; she has nine lives or she runs on batteries and can only be killed by ripping the main wire that leads to the central battery in her chest. Or she’s a vampire and needs to be staked. I digress. I’m a little over the girls constantly “seeing” Ali, especially Emily.

Emily has grated on me for the past few books and I’m just about fed up with her. The girl is still wetting her panties over Alison. Umm…excuse me? This crazy bitch tried to kill you in a fire not once, but twice, and has made your life a living hell for years! Move the fuck on. She still has Ali up on this pedestal and it drives me crazy. Oh, and Emily drops a BOMB of a secret. I can’t even really talk about it right now because I don’t even understand how it happened…and how in the world she could physically keep it a secret. I don’t buy it. Maybe there will be more answers in Ruthless…scratch that…there better be some answers in the next book.

Aria is dealing with the super-hot foreign exchange student living with Noel Kahn and his family…and by dealing with, I mean she’s crazy jealous of her. I feel like Aria gets shafted on the storylines; can she have one that doesn’t involve her love life going to complete shit?

Hanna apparently is big on trusting strangers…strange guys, to be more specific. Her father is running for Senator and because of her lack of judgment, there are now pictures of her out there that could damage her father’s campaign. That being said, I actually did feel bad for her. I get mad at her for being a snob every now and then, but at the end of the day she’s still my favorite character.

And then there’s Spencer; this is the first time I’ve really found myself annoyed with her. I guess I’m just a little confused as to why anyone would make a move on their soon-to-be stepbrother? Gross. I mean, I get that you’re not blood-related but come on, girl! You’re better than that! Their whole relationship is just weird and I can’t say I’m a big fan of Zach.

This was my least favorite book of the series, but I am still going to finish it out and read the last three books. I think Sara Shepard wrote these final four books simply because of the popularity of the TV show, Pretty Little Liars, but I feel like they could continue the show without these last four books. The show follows the books loosely…and I mean loosely. There are so many differences; Caleb isn’t in the books but he and Hanna have been together on the show for a while now, Aria and Ezra went their separate ways a long time ago in the books and have never really been apart in the show, Toby was killed off in the second book but he’s still around and dating Spencer in the show, Jenna is killed in the books but in the show she gets her sight back and starts dating Noel Kahn…I could continue but I won’t. Now that you’ve spent your entire afternoon reading this review, I’ll sum it up by saying this: I really hope the last three books are better than Twisted or I’m going to regret not stopping at Wanted.

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