Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max

What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you’ve got another bestselling book on your hands.

Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to “some next level shit.”

WARNING: This book contains frequent profanity and sexual situations.

I read Tucker’s first book, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, because my friend read the book and he said it was the funniest book he had ever read. I heard about it from a few people, but never actually made the effort to go buy it, so when I was given the opportunity to borrow it, I figured I’d give it a whirl. After reading that book, I wanted nothing more than to read more about Tucker Max and his ridiculous, drunken shenanigans. Needless to say, I was not disappointed in Assholes Finish First.

Tucker Max is an asshole. He knows it and admits it. I mean, it says it right in the title of this book. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks or says about him, and as far as I can tell, doesn’t have much of a conscience to constitute him having regrets. He does what…or who…he wants and doesn’t think he has to provide any explanation. I enjoy going out with my friends and have had some wild nights in college, but it is not even anywhere close to the level that Tucker Max is on. One of the funniest stories in this book is actually the very first one, Tucker Goes to Campout, Owns Duke Nerds. It involves camping out at Duke to get basketball tickets and Tucker using a megaphone. If you’ve read any of his books, just hearing this would probably be enough to bring out a little chuckle. Sure, when you read it you think “wow…this dude is a huge asshole”, but he’s a funny asshole. With his friends in tow, they do things that everyone else would be scared to do. They do things that other people wouldn’t even consider doing, and somehow make it absolutely hilarious.

One of the chapters in the book, The TuckerFest Story, is one of the most outrageous stories I have ever read, heard of, whatever. I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who may be interested in reading the book, but I’ll just say it involves a bunch of white dudes driving around an RV and getting lost in Harlem. And actually, that doesn’t even cover half of the ridiculousness that happens in that chapter! Between that chapter, the Duke camping chapter, and a chapter that involves a Halloween Party in DC and a plastic parrot named Mr. Peepers, I was rolling…and that’s just three chapters out of the whole book!

One difference between this book and IHTSBIN is that you realize Tucker isn’t always a dick. He talks about how he has had serious girlfriends and is completely monogamous when he’s in a relationship, regardless of how many girls email him to proposition sex. He talks about wanting marriage, and kids…which actually surprised me. He talks about a 10 month relationship he had with a nurse and he conveys real emotion when he talks about how difficult it was to end that relationship. Couple that with the love he shows for his dog, Murph, and you realize this guy isn’t all bad.

Some women might find it odd that I didn’t find this book offensive, but in all honestly, I didn’t. He doesn’t generalize when referring to women; he may be an asshole to the girls he sleeps with, but if you’re going to proposition a guy for sex that is a known asshole, what do you really expect? Obviously this book isn’t appropriate for a younger audience, but I would highly recommend it to anyone old enough to handle the material…and anyone that has a good enough sense of humor to handle the material!

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